Wanting to be calm all the time is an understandable desire. It’s a natural reaction to a world that offers and encourages very little of it. That being said ‘calm’ in the way we are often taught mindfulness, is not the solution, nor the intention of those who originally pioneered mindfulness meditation.
Our mind is constantly trying to latch onto aspects of experience to define itself in some way. Part of it yearns to ‘know’ to organise, to grasp the chaos around it and within it. But there is another part of our minds that is able to simply accept the chaos as it is, as the true nature of reality.